Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Late night redecorating post.

Well it is 3:31 a.m. and I am still wide awake. That is no shocker but it is still depressing. I have just gotten to where I feel safe going to sleep at night when I came up to my room and heard a noise outside. It sounded like a tree-trimming truck or something large like that. So I decided to walk over to my balcony door and look out. It turned out the sound was coming from a firetruck. Following the firetruck was an ambulance and two police cars. I shouldn't even have to say this makes me nervous and shakes me up a little more than I already have been after this last week.

I have spent the last few nights on campus as much as I could. Friday night I worked from 4-7 and went back to work with Nick at 1 a.m. until 4 a.m. Saturday I worked from 7 p.m. until midnight and stayed on campus until 4 a.m. with Nick. Yesterday (Sunday) I worked from 4 p.m. until midnight. Monday and Tuesday are my off days. This is when I planned on catching up on sleep and chores around the house. I woke up around 3 p.m. and warmed up some dinner, watched an episode of The Gilmore Girls and then started sifting through items in the living room. I ended up washing laundry, cleaning and redecorating my living room.
 After I redecorated I ate a snack, talked to my brother and my mother and then watched a little more TV (it has been a Golden Girls marathon all night!!) That leads me to right now. I have turned my TV on just to have some light in my room. It makes me feel better. It is like I am reverting back to childhood when you're scared of the dark and need a stuffed bear or a parent to keep you company just until you fell asleep or woke back up. Nothing is scarier than waking up terrified because no one is there or that is completely dark and that scares you. What I would give to have some company until I fell asleep these days.
 I had a really difficult dream last night that I can't put on my blog (someone might read it and I don't want them to). It is just sad and twisted, but it happened and I keep thinking about it also.
 I can't wait until things get back to normal around here. That won't happen for a while though and that is what is the most upsetting. Anywhere and everywhere I go I will be reminded of what happened. I try not to talk about what happened this past week. Even as I write this I am still not labeling what happened. I know what it was and so do my readers. I try not to think about it because when I do it leads my conversations that way and it just doesn't mesh too well. I do have to say one more thing about the remembrance of a person whose life was taken Wednesday. When we had our A-Day party on April 16, 2011, Blake brought up a plate to our balcony to eat off, but he never took it back downstairs. I went onto my balcony today only to see that plate lying there and that was a little off and sad. Also, while I was redecorating my living room I found his guitar pick under our couch. It is as if I never get away from the horrible reminders of this past week. Maybe one day I will be able to not think about it for a while day. I know I will, but it will be a long time coming. As long as I live in this city I will be thinking about it everyday. I dread the first time I drive down 15th Street this summer. It will be devastating.. I guess that is life. I am going to wrap this post up and just start browsing the internet. I am not ready to go to bed yet, but I am ready to end this post. I don't want to keep it on a sad note the whole time. This was a happy post about me talking to my family and redecorating my living room!

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